Balthazar

 The Tale of How Balthazar Came To Be 

Balthazar… The Bath Tsar? Why would you want to know about him?

Well, no matter, I’ll tell you.

Balthazar started his life as a simple shopkeeper, sitting in a bathtub as a marketing stunt, and selling bath items, such as soap and rubber ducks in a multitude of colours. He was actually quite popular among the niche group of people who specifically buy bath-related items.

However, this wasn’t enough for Balthazar. Ever since he earned the title of Bath Tsar, for being the world’s Employee-of-the-Month-Who-Sells-Stuff-in-a-Bathtub, he yearned for more… When Crimini stopped by his shop to buy some soap, and made leaves on the ground the dominant form of currency so that they would have enough funds to buy what Balthazar was selling, he followed them back from whence they came, SPill. Quickly working his way up in this weird world, he began selling strange-shaped bubbles, like pyramids and pentagonal trapezoids. In a few short hours he became the dominant salesman in SPill, despite only selling bath-related items. Seeing the abilities and power he already contained, he determined that the next step in life was to become a god.

But instead of going about it in the normal way and asking, he called all the world’s gods together in an impromptu meeting, and held them hostage. Expecting them to fight back, he was surprised when they all just agreed to his demands, saying they’d give him the entire world for a day as a little taste. Thus, he developed infinite power.

He reveled in his newfound power for a little while, making it rain bubbles and changing around the currency of the world to become rubber ducks… But in his infinite power eventually came infinite responsibility, and the world began to spiral out of control. Gravity began to decay and physics started to malfunction, logic became obsolete, and Balthazar began to struggle to keep it all under control.

So he decided to give it back. He called the gods together again… Well, forced the gods together again because even they bent to his every whim now. He gave all of their power back, and the world quickly righted itself. But the gods didn’t kill him, they just told him that he learned his lesson, and not to try and gain power ever again. He agreed to this, not wanting a repeat of the pseudo-apocalypse he accidentally created.

Since then, he’s been working as a shopkeeper in SPill, selling advice and psychic tendencies to amaze your friends. He used to know and control everything, so those who are governed at all by the rules of logic, basically those without plot armor have their lives all plotted out, and he knows all of this. He may have messed up their life’s plotlines because of his day in power, but he still knows all that happened in your life, and he’ll write it out to amaze you for just a small and simple payment of his choice…

He also sells different flavor bubbles, too, now.